Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men!

In our latest Sociology class we discussed masculinity and cinema. The discussion was both entertaining and fascinating, considering that we only have two males in our class: a student and our professor. But seeing as the demographics of Northwestern University in Qatar is majority female, I found it really interesting to know more about males, who in our university are outnumbered.


Gender movements are almost always associated with women. No one really acknowledges men when it comes to their rights or the fact that they are also discriminated.


There is little doubt that there’s discrimination towards men. They do, in fact, make up the majority of inmates in prisons and work some of the most dangerous jobs in society. I was surprised to learn about a men’s rights movement in class. I think because I was under the impression that men have it made when it comes to getting good job positions. But then I understood that it was about more than just being a man. It was also about being a member of a particular race and social class too.


Usually race and social class are in correlation with each other. White men, when they aren’t in their home countries, tend to have better jobs than Indians in other countries, such as Qatar. Indian men in Qatar usually work as laborers or cleaners, not very glamorous jobs. There are those few Indian men who have good job positions but that’s mainly because they were raised in upper-class households. But in countries such as the U.S. there are white men who work in job industries such as construction or sanitation. There isn’t really an issue of pay with these types of jobs, but with the quality of the jobs.





We learned in class that there are three categories of men. There are some who are “soft” and sensitive, traditional and aggressive, and those who are a hybrid masculine. In society today, hybrid masculinity is accepted in comparison to men being sensitive or aggressive. Hybrid masculinity associates both muscle and compassion; so portraying a tough guy image, but also being caring and considerate of others.

We talked about different celebrities in class who fall under each category of men. Tupac was categorized as being hybrid masculine, while Bruno Mars and Twilight star, Robert Pattinson, almost fell short of being called men. However, I read in our sociology textbook that men in power, who have affairs with women, while they are married, tend to be seen as more manly. While sexual scandals can boost the masculinity of a man, physically abusing women will most definitely demean it.




The incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna in 2009 caused many people to dislike Chris Brown. Prior to them dating, he was pretty much a heartthrob and girls swooned over his music, particularly his very emotional lyrics directed at females.


“You changed my whole life
Don't know what you’re doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all Super human
You did that to me
Super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman”

These lyrics are from one of his songs called “Superhuman.” It’s kind of hypocritical that he can sing these kinds of songs yet still beat up his own girlfriend. Ever since the incident he was targeted in the media and became the butt of many jokes. The fact that he could hit a woman could have been an action to boost his masculinity, yet it backfired. Even today, Chris Brown continues to attempt to sweep women off their feet. Although many women were against his actions and it stirred up controversy over abuse, other women still continued to be “fan girls” and listen to his music.


Overall, what I learned is that men have rights too. Despite that they’re the ones who have the top positions in almost all kinds of work.

Don’t Wash Your Dirty Laundry In Public

Once again, Sociology has encouraged me to look at things differently. Even at movies! Since my previous reading was on family and gender, I decided to analyze my elder sister who is living by the traditional role and the Mona Lisa Smile movie that represent the notion.



The “ideal family" consists of the breadwinner husband, homemaker wife, and their children. This ideology may not represent how we are now, but it definitely has influenced economic policies, social roles, movies, expectations about family life and even our own individual choices we make today.

Sociologist Denzin once said, “Movies ‘screen’ and frame social reality, and they reflect ideological images of interaction relationship, and the community.”



I watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile with my elder sister, in addition to the sociological readings I had about the movie. Ironically enough, she related to the movie the same way the girl’s ultimate goal was to get married and fulfill the traditional role. She is now a housewife and mother, while being a pharmacists.

The movie is about a freethinking, feminist, independent liberal art professor who teaches conservative 50’s Wellesley girls to question their traditional societal roles they have been spoon-fed.



At one point of the movie, one of the staff members get mad at Giselle, one of the free-spirited students, and yells, “This is not a joke. A few years from now, your sole responsibility will be to taking care of your husband and children.” This quote becomes symbolic and becomes further evident as the theme of the movie evolves around the notion and on how the pupils see their education as a way to pass their time until they are married.

The traditional-societal norm at Wellesley provokes Katherine to encourage her students to reject the social norm by continuing their education. For instance, Joan is torn between attending law school and marriage; Katherine literally fills out her applications ford Yale, Joan’s dream school. However, Katherine gets disappointed when she finds out that Joan chose to get married and move to Philadelphia.

At one point of the movie, Betty’s mom says, “Good wife lets her husband think that everything’s his idea, even when its not.” This clearly shows the 1950’s conservative expected female role as a wife, and how the husband has the final say in everything.



One of the outstanding moments of the movie was when Betty returns to class and gets into an argument with Katherine. This part of the movie stood out the most to me, as it showed the struggle to break social norms of women in the society, while facing the elite.

Betty: Don’t disregard our traditions, just because you’re subversive.
Katherine: Don’t disrespect this class just because you’re married.
Betty: Don’t disrespect me just because your not
Katherine: Come to class. Do your work. Or ill fail you.
Betty: If you fail me, there will be consequences

“Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public,” Betty’s mom said. This emphasizes on the importance of appearance, and not what happens within the family itself. This tends to be symbolic as not all married women had a happy marriage and family, but had to put up an appearance.

Everybody works but father

“What does your dad do?”

“My dad? Uh, he’s a lecturer,” I looked down at my feet, which were making patterns in the playground’s sandy grit.



“Oh, what subject does he teach?”

“Language,” I muttered, gritting my teeth. I knew what was coming next.

“Interesting. Where?”

“Well,” I was thinking fast about how I could change the topic, “He doesn’t teach anywhere as of now…”

For as long as I can remember, that was the one reply I had for that seemingly harmless “where does your dad work” question. I was beginning to give up hope that my answer would ever change.

“Uh, no, he doesn’t work right now.”

It did come up more often back then in high school, when I was in the process of interacting and developing a social identity.

And it wasn’t a pleasant question.

“Oh, he’s a lecturer. Hey, I love your shoes! Where did you get those from?”

Dad had a history of being constantly in and out of jobs. Six months here, two months there, yearlong gaps in between. Looking back now, I think I can pin the inconsistency on spikes in he-cession.



Nonetheless, it was to transform my societal outlook forever.

That was the time that saw my dear mother become "Mrs. Dad" when circumstances made her take over as the family breadwinner. She worked round the clock—7:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at her workplace, then longer hours back home.

My dad?

That is the funniest part.



His shift would begin everyday at around the same time, lasting the same number of hours.

Only, he would make breakfast, sweep and mop, tidy rooms and prepare lunch. I think he could have related very well to the following review from the 1983 comedy drama film, Mr. Mom:

“Jack soon finds himself overwhelmed with laundry, cooking, cleaning and other household chores. He is frustrated with the never ending menial tasks. His only social contracts around the house are his children and though he tries to engage them in work, he is often left feeling frustrated and alone. Jack shouts at his wife, ‘My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are watching the same TV shows and I’m liking them! I’m loosing it.’”

Only, I must say, life wasn’t all that rough. Mom and dad adapted to the bizarre responsibility transverse. I did too.

Before long, I had spent 12 years living in this role reversal. Although the family responsibilities clearly appeared uncomfortably topsy turvy to me…..well, I was okay. It was just the way my family worked—dad cooked and cleaned, mom brought in the money. I was habituated.

Yet when that question was asked, I would always be “thinking fast about how I could change the topic.” One more time, I used to brood, and I’m going to snap. “No, my dad doesn’t work for god sakes!! Only mom does. But you what? That is okay with me! Because they have managed to make it work so well…”

Come to think of it, although it was always okay with me, I knew, even as a fifth grader, that it would never be so with society.

Society.



That rigid structure of standards and values everyone wishes to be a well- integrated part of.

If you function out of norms, you are the odd one out.

For all those years before my father finally got a steady job, my family and me-- despite being financially well off-- were the odd-ones-out.

That is how society is fundamentally structured. The male and female spheres of responsibilities have been laid out quite distinctly, almost as a stringent law of nature that has to be respected and abided by. The man pays the bills; the woman takes care of the children. She can have a career, which is becoming increasingly common these days, but home and hearth still remain the top priority.


Although this concept is increasingly changing in today’s fast-paced, modernizing society, an absolute gendered division of labor in the private realm is still a difficult idea to digest.

“I just think that’s absurd,” said sociology professor Geoff Harkness, and I couldn’t agree more. What’s wrong so long as a family manages to function?

But modern society is yet to catch up with the notion. I think we were a family at the wrong place at the wrong time. Hopefully, a few years from now, society will be much more receptive to the idea.



Oh and dad, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that you make the best pea and potato soup ever.