Displays of Gender-Specific Behavior in a Family Gathering

      While visiting my hometown over the weekend, I had to attend a family gathering. Unlike our normal family gatherings that occur every weekend (which include only around ten immediate family members), this gathering included three of my grandmother's first cousins once removed, my half-great uncle's children and their children, and other relatives I could not even name. Needless to say, it was a large number of invitees–– so large that the dining table did not fit.

The dining table that only fit the fifteen seniors of the family

      Common perceptions of Saudi Arabian family gatherings would immediately hold the assumption that they are gender segregated. That is not the case with all gatherings, as it differs between families, and it is definitely not the case with this gathering. Fortunately, due to this lack of segregation, I was able to observe displays of both male and female "power" in this gathering.

What was not the case in my family's gathering.

      Males in the gathering sat down for the majority of the gathering's duration. They spoke of serious matters. Whenever a topic would become increasingly grim or sensitive, a man would typically immediately change the subject by the means of comedy, such as ridiculing the issue at hand in a light-hearted manner or cracking a random joke. As predicted, the only time the men got up was when the lamb (the main meal of the gathering) was ready to be served. For readers unfamiliar with Arab cuisine, the lamb was served whole––head, limbs, and so on. Three men had to carry the lamb to the table, an act that can easily be considered a public display of masculine power by many.

       Most of the females in the gathering never actually sat down. They would task themselves with helping the maids set up the table and serving juices and dates to the guests. Those who sat down engaged in typically female conversations. Mothers discussed schools and children, while younger females discussed recent restaurant openings and the latest trends. Eventually, more serious social topics were discussed, such as the recent changes in the sponsorship system in the country. As one may expect, though, this topic was only discussed by the women as soon as a man initiated the topic and then involved the women in the discussion. This is no way indicative of a lack of intellect on the women's part, certainly not from a sociological perspective. This is merely indicative of what topics seem to be socially acceptable for women to discuss amongst themselves, even if the women are well-informed of social matters such as the Saudi Arabian sponsorship system (a system that is also implemented by the country's GCC neighbor Qatar).

      Interestingly enough, a strange manifestation of segregation was also noted. While the gathering was strictly not gender segregated, the majority of the invitees had the tendency to isolate themselves by gender anyway. Younger females, including myself, sat in a further, more isolated part of the room. It was isolated enough that we could not see the other side of the room but still hear the rest of our family converse. The men and older women, such as mothers and grandmothers, were seated in the main, larger section of the room. Nevertheless, they, too, somewhat divided themselves by gender. Some women sat with the men and some men sat with the women. I found that it all depended on the topic that was being discussed at the time, and was not due to any particular social discomfort with the other gender. The same could be said about the way I was seated with my younger female relatives. We probably only chose to be isolated because we wanted the freedom of discussing our lives abroad as international university students.

      Despite changing times, displays of both masculine and feminine behavior remain the same. The same concept also applies to expectations of masculine and feminine behavior, and everyone acts accordingly to avoid social "punishment". Despite the fact that at some points during the gathering, I felt that I did not want to discuss food and fashion, I felt that I had no other choice...somewhat. While I could have initiated a serious topic with both the males and the females in the family, my attempts would have been dismissed most likely due to my young age and gender. While that is in no way a sure determinant of intelligence, and while everyone in the gathering most likely believed that, society constructed it otherwise. In such a large setting, everyone feels that it is safer to stick to the boundaries set by social norms. I am almost certain of that because I know that in our smaller weekly gatherings that only include my immediate relatives, I can more confidently discuss serious matters and I would be taken seriously. Despite the fact that all of my immediate family members were present, that same confidence was not present due to the socially sensitive situation we were placed in due to the large number of family members, all with differing ages and, of course, genders.

Masculine And Feminine Sports

Our society has designed us to embrace, believe and fulfill certain gender roles and stereotypes that are conventional and have been around for years. Women in the past were not expected nor encouraged to participate in sports. However, the times have changed and with more women breaking stereotypes and playing a huge role in sports, they are receiving greater support than ever.

Yet, there is a major issue at stake that seems impossible to change, people still confuse gender non-conformity with sexual orientation. Gender non-conformity basically means appearing and acting in ways that are considered unusual to that particular gender. For example, women in the past were expected to dress in a certain way that emphasizes their femininity whereas now, women are comfortable wearing pants, blazers, ties and flat shoes.

In men’s case, it’s completely different. Men are expected to be masculine at all times. In fact, most men will be harassed and called names for not being or looking masculine enough. This is the reason behind men preferring masculine sports while women have more freedom when it comes to picking their desired sport. When I say freedom, I don’t mean family’s encouragement and approval, I’m talking about how the society looks at them hence masculine females are more tolerated than “feminine men”. I repeat, feminine and NOT gay men. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. I wanted to show how the opinion of two different men who play masculine sports could be interrelated yet so contradictory. I interviewed the first man, Ali, who does boxing for fun who was against women being a part of masculine sports. The second interviewee was Hamad, who does horseback riding for fun too. Hamad believed that horseback riding is a masculine sport due to family morals and beliefs yet he sees absolutely no reason why women should not go for masculine sports.

I made two videos for each interviewee, and Ali was kind enough to invite us to his regular workout


Hamad was also kind enough to work on such short notice as you can tell; he was wearing his thobe (traditional white garment for men)

Men Make Fire.

I went to the beach this weekend with a group of friends to celebrate one of our friends’ birthday. I found that the perfect opportunity to analyze the men and woman’s behaviors in such an environment. The men were particularly interesting to observe. Arab men find going to the beach, a chance to practice their “machismo”, like it was an activity.



The western world is a more free world than the Arab world. I don’t like to generalize but that’s my personal opinion. In the west I guess it has become okay to embrace the different types of men’s behaviors. Like Sutherland discusses in her book, there are many different ways a man can be a man. There’s the heartless tough man figure, referred to in his book as the terminator, after Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie terminator. And there’s the emotional sensitive understanding man figure, referred to in his book as the kindergarten commando. Of course those two are the extremes, there are gray areas in between where other people lie.



In the Arab world, the kindergarten commando is not an accepted way of life, and if a man were anything but a “terminator” they would start to question his sexual orientation. This was reflected in my friends’ behaviors on the beach. I noted “macho” behaviors, or what they considered as expression of their masculinity, like logging heavy rocks and wood around to make a bonfire, cooking the meat (meat is a very manly type of food for Arabs, so cooking it on the beach with the fire they made represents their masculinity), and finally, ordering the girls around to clean, set the place where we’re going to eat and organize the seating area. When the girls offered to help with the fire making or meat cooking however, the men replied with “of course not! What kind of man do you think I am”?



I found it extremely interesting to take theories based on the behaviors in west and apply them to the Middle East. It has proven that what people consider appropriate or acceptable differs drastically between different parts of the world.

CMUQ event

The Student Majlis of CMUQ had an event that was on Thursday, the 21^st of March. A DBQ event (Dodgeball and Barbeque event). For people who don’t know what’s dodgeball game like me; dodgeball is a game in which players on two teams try to hit players in the other team and they must avoid being hit themselves. This event happened in the green spine outside CMUQ building. Many students participated in this event, and the teams had different genders.

Masculine tasks

The male students made all the preparations for the event. It needed the carrying out of heavy equipment such as the BBQ fireplace. According to sociology, all societies categorized people based upon sex and gender. This seems ‘natural’, but it is a social construction. The male students did all the arrangement, setting up the cones in lines for the dodgeball game and prepared all the food and things needed for the BBQ.

A non gender-polarization event

Many male students were saying that this game is for boys only, and girls are not capable of playing it. This game needs masculine actions such as the throwing balls to the other side and hit the other team. However, many female students cross the gender-polarization concept. They think they have the ability to do masculine activities. And so, many female students participated in this game. There was a team called ‘women in black’ that had all female participants, and were strongly excited to compete with other teams.

According to sociology, there trends to be a higher degree of conformity to prescribed gender roles. Those who do not obey the ‘rules’ of gender face social punishment. However, in many societies, it is easier for people to accept the idea that females are the one who cross the gender-polarization concept than male. Many societies are not accepting the new image of the male version, the sensitive and soft man. But remasculinization process is always takes over all boys in their earlier lives. They grow up having the traditional masculinity idea; boys love to be featured strong, competent and powerful males.

 

Although cooking is known as females’ responsibility, but the male students toke the charge of the BBQ. The boys enjoy doing the BBQ in the trips or the events, because usually they do not cook in houses, so they feel free to do the cooking when they are with their friends. And maybe the reason the chose BBQ is the that it is the easiest way to cook food.

Gender Differences!

In our last sociology class we learned about how does gender affect people’s behaviors, and does genes or environment influence those behaviors. First let me start by demonstrating the difference between “gender” and “sex.” Sex is the biological characteristic of being a male and female, whereas gender it refers to the social roles that men and women play. So, the society and the environment have a great influence on how does male and female act.

When men or a women act the way they does it is not due to genes, in fact it is mostly due to the expectation of the society. When first a child is born and it’s a boy people will start treating him differently that if it was a baby-girl. Though he is just an infant yet his parents will keep saying, “you’re a man you should be strong.” They will start getting him balls, cars, painting his bedroom walls with blue and many other thing that the society have decided that those this are only for boys. If it was a girl on the other hand, they will start treating her more tenderly and getting her Barbie dolls, and pink stuff. But the question is why does the color blue and the color pink are associated with boys and girls respectively?

It is the Gender Socialization effect!

Gender socialization is the process of learning the social expectations and attitudes associated with one's sex. And because people tend to link blue with boys and pink with girls, it is unexpected for a baby-boy to wear pink cloths. Gender socialization gets people to know their roles according to their genders.

Women at the house are expected to do the housework and the men are breadwinners, thus due to gender socialization people tend to do the job that is expected from them.

Driving cars in Qatar

In Qatar Driving cars is associated with men, most Qatari families do not allow their daughters to drive because it is a men task. They’d rather have a driver than allowing their daughters to drive! However, many Qatari girls are breaking those rules that the societies setup. However, it is unusual to see a man breaking the gender rules. Men do not get involve in activities that are seen “girli activities” by the society! It is their masculinity that is affecting their actions. Masculinity is set of qualities that are considered to be characteristic of a male. This explains that it is easier for a female to gross-gender boundaries than for a male!  

Masculinity in Steel Magnolias

As I’ve had my go at Feminism in The Hunger Games a few weeks ago, I was definitely interested to voice my opinion on masculinity in movies. This week, Cinema and Society class got me thinking beyond the gender gap but  on the “expectations” we have going in on powerful males, and male feminism through gender socialization. Gender socialization starts at a very early age, where people learn the norms related to sex and gender within a social construction.

            Where the 70’s was an embrace of feminism, the 80’s was definitely the decade where films attempted to “re-masculinize” men. Both movies in comparison are Herbert Ross directed films, one of which was “Play it again, Sam!” (1972, staring Woody Allen) was centered on a the male (feminine, looking for a partner) lead, “Steel Magnolias” (1989) on the other hand, was very feminine but also questioned masculinity. For example, the movie’s opening shot is a women screaming because of male characters shooting at birds while they  are getting ready for a “pink and blush-y” wedding. 

            It was listed as one of the 10 movies that make men cry: “"Steel Magnolias"… is another one of those movies that will just tug at your soft spot. Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, and Sally Field bring on the tears, whether you're a man or a woman.”

 

The Funeral Scene

         

              One of the most poignant quotes is from Sally Field’s character M’Lynn Eaterton, who addresses the divide directly: “I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.”

The idea widely accepted idea for men was that it was only acceptable to cry during a victory. In an article entitled “When is it Okay for a Man to Cry?” by the Art of Manliness (I kid you not, this is what the website is called).

The list names a few:

• Shawshank Redemption (Prison, Victory)
• The Pride of the Yankees (Victory)
• Saving Private Ryan (…)
• Braveheart (Victory)
• Friday Night Lights (Victory)
• We Were Soldiers (I mean…)
• Gladiator (Victory)
• The Champ (Victory)
• Glory (Need I go on?)

And also goes on to list the movies that men should never cry during:

• Steel Magnolias (feminine)
• Little Women (feminine)
• Jerry Maguire (male femininity)
• The Notebook (TEARS to no end) 

 The funny thing is, that it seems second nature to dismiss Steel Magnolias as a movie purely for the enjoyment of women. In an article on the American Politician Cory Booker, Jezbel’s headline reads: “Watching Steel Magnolias Makes Him Cry: Cory Booker is Just like Us.” To which, I conclude that the line between masculinity and feminity is thick, it’s definitely crossed in certain movies. (Or perhaps just a PR strategy to get people to like Cory Booker.) Whichever it is, Steel Magnolias is still an exceptional film (as is everything else Sally Field has appeared in.)

 

Pictures credit: TriStar pictures (Steel Magnolias) and Paramount Pictures (Play it Again, Sam!)

Of Queen and Masculinity

      This week's readings bothered me.

      While I fully understand that as a highly respected sociologist, this chapter's author is at the very least knowledgeable about issues of masculinity, I still felt that he was making countless ruthless assumptions about audience preferences in the 1970s. In truth, there is no need for me to further elaborate this point. I would just be wasting your time. All I need is a single word.

      Queen.

      ...They're that band with the really cool song.

      Well, they also had another equally cool song that will rock you. Among several other songs. You can't really stop them. They're true champions.

      Formed in 1970, Queen is a British rock band best known for their highly theatrical, complex, and innovative musical style. A single Queen song could incorporate several musical styles (as evidently shown in their revolutionary hit Bohemian Rhapsody, the really cool song in the video above), and therefore include several complex yet innovative transitions.

      One could go on forever about the history and the legacy of Queen, being a band that greatly revolutionized the rock genre with their daring and flamboyant style. In this blog, though, I will focus on their 1975 album: A Night at the Opera.

The tracklist for A Night at the Opera

      At the time of its release in 1975, A Night of the Opera was the most expensive album to have ever been recorded. The single Bohemian Rhapsody landed a then unprecedented success in music history, breaking a UK Singles Chart record by remaining as the top single for an entire nine weeks. A Night at the Opera's production was absolutely bizarre yet effectively innovative. For instance, can you believe that Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon was recorded out of...

Source

      A. TIN. BUCKET.

      My mind is blown.

      Rather than outlining how the image of masculinity is so carefully controlled in the media, I personally felt that this week's readings instead reinforced preconceived notions of masculinity. There was a significant disregard to exceptions to masculine portrayals typical of the 1970s. While the 1970s did indeed introduce the new notion of the "sensitive man" (albeit for only a short period of time), this renewed perception of masculinity was still not void of typical masculine traits such as physical strength and financial success.

      Queen dared to defy the then typical portrayal of masculinity through their flamboyant and theatrical musical style, styles that were typically adopted by most female singers as opposed to the typically stern yet enigmatic musical style of most male singers. Nonetheless, what most predicted as a surely controversial and highly risky musical style ended up as both a commercial success and musical legacy, as evident by the insane sales records A Night at the Opera achieved.

      Queen continued to defy such notions throughout the rest of their legendary musical career. Their most straightforward defiance of "typical" masculinity is most obviously seen on the music video for their single I Want to Break Free from their 1984 album The Works.

It's a girl! It's a mustache! It's Freddie Mercury...with a mustache...as a girl.

      
      It gradually becomes more evident that there is a gap in this reinforced belief of "typical" masculinity proposed by Michael Messner. How could Queen, a band so defiant of these social norms of gender, succeed so incredibly? Obviously, a large portion of the 1970s audience did not really abide by these reinforced social norms if they chose to support a rather "feminine" and theatrical band such as Queen.