Displays of Gender-Specific Behavior in a Family Gathering

      While visiting my hometown over the weekend, I had to attend a family gathering. Unlike our normal family gatherings that occur every weekend (which include only around ten immediate family members), this gathering included three of my grandmother's first cousins once removed, my half-great uncle's children and their children, and other relatives I could not even name. Needless to say, it was a large number of invitees–– so large that the dining table did not fit.

The dining table that only fit the fifteen seniors of the family

      Common perceptions of Saudi Arabian family gatherings would immediately hold the assumption that they are gender segregated. That is not the case with all gatherings, as it differs between families, and it is definitely not the case with this gathering. Fortunately, due to this lack of segregation, I was able to observe displays of both male and female "power" in this gathering.

What was not the case in my family's gathering.

      Males in the gathering sat down for the majority of the gathering's duration. They spoke of serious matters. Whenever a topic would become increasingly grim or sensitive, a man would typically immediately change the subject by the means of comedy, such as ridiculing the issue at hand in a light-hearted manner or cracking a random joke. As predicted, the only time the men got up was when the lamb (the main meal of the gathering) was ready to be served. For readers unfamiliar with Arab cuisine, the lamb was served whole––head, limbs, and so on. Three men had to carry the lamb to the table, an act that can easily be considered a public display of masculine power by many.

       Most of the females in the gathering never actually sat down. They would task themselves with helping the maids set up the table and serving juices and dates to the guests. Those who sat down engaged in typically female conversations. Mothers discussed schools and children, while younger females discussed recent restaurant openings and the latest trends. Eventually, more serious social topics were discussed, such as the recent changes in the sponsorship system in the country. As one may expect, though, this topic was only discussed by the women as soon as a man initiated the topic and then involved the women in the discussion. This is no way indicative of a lack of intellect on the women's part, certainly not from a sociological perspective. This is merely indicative of what topics seem to be socially acceptable for women to discuss amongst themselves, even if the women are well-informed of social matters such as the Saudi Arabian sponsorship system (a system that is also implemented by the country's GCC neighbor Qatar).

      Interestingly enough, a strange manifestation of segregation was also noted. While the gathering was strictly not gender segregated, the majority of the invitees had the tendency to isolate themselves by gender anyway. Younger females, including myself, sat in a further, more isolated part of the room. It was isolated enough that we could not see the other side of the room but still hear the rest of our family converse. The men and older women, such as mothers and grandmothers, were seated in the main, larger section of the room. Nevertheless, they, too, somewhat divided themselves by gender. Some women sat with the men and some men sat with the women. I found that it all depended on the topic that was being discussed at the time, and was not due to any particular social discomfort with the other gender. The same could be said about the way I was seated with my younger female relatives. We probably only chose to be isolated because we wanted the freedom of discussing our lives abroad as international university students.

      Despite changing times, displays of both masculine and feminine behavior remain the same. The same concept also applies to expectations of masculine and feminine behavior, and everyone acts accordingly to avoid social "punishment". Despite the fact that at some points during the gathering, I felt that I did not want to discuss food and fashion, I felt that I had no other choice...somewhat. While I could have initiated a serious topic with both the males and the females in the family, my attempts would have been dismissed most likely due to my young age and gender. While that is in no way a sure determinant of intelligence, and while everyone in the gathering most likely believed that, society constructed it otherwise. In such a large setting, everyone feels that it is safer to stick to the boundaries set by social norms. I am almost certain of that because I know that in our smaller weekly gatherings that only include my immediate relatives, I can more confidently discuss serious matters and I would be taken seriously. Despite the fact that all of my immediate family members were present, that same confidence was not present due to the socially sensitive situation we were placed in due to the large number of family members, all with differing ages and, of course, genders.

Gender and the Night Scene in Qatar

Public partying in Qatar is a subculture of its own. Partying for locals of Doha is only available for males, and even at that it’s very hushed. What I mean by public partying is, for example, going to a concert and/or going to a club. What I mean by subculture is a group of people who form their own culture within the larger culture.

In Doha, males form their own culture for partying by excluding the females. For this post, I did a case study based on Sean Paul’s concert on the 29^th of March, a Friday. My plan originally was to go with two Qatari friends, a male and a female, a Sudanese girl, and an American/Egyptian girl, my sister. When we got there we were all able to get in except the Qatari female. We talked to the security, and they said that Qatari females aren't allowed there. When I asked why, they avoided my question by saying it’s the rules. Both the Qatari male and female left the concert. I decided to ask more about it and figured that Qatari females aren’t allowed to clubs or any place that might serve alcohol. 

When thinking about it, one would figure that this is the norm here because it’s an Arab, religious country. However, this poses the question of why are the males allowed to “party” publicly and the females are not? When I asked a Qatari female about this, she said –rather sarcastically- “People are afraid that girls would drink and do stupid stuff like get themselves pregnant. For guys there’s no evidence, except a bad hangover. It’s culturally accepted for guys although it’s frowned upon.”

I like thinking of myself as feminist, very pro women’s rights. As described in class, the feminism social movements aim at “establishing and defining equal political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities for women.” Although, I’m not attempting to discuss the idea of Qatari women consuming alcohol, I’m discussing the fact that they aren't allowed to get into a public space because of alcohol’s presence, something that doesn't hinder a Qatari male’s life. Doesn't seem very equal, does it?

Shopping Habits: Women and Men

People’s taste varies from a person to another. It depends on what is your gender. Men usually do not care what to wear as along as it is emphasizing their muscles. On the hand, women likes to wear what can represent them as a sexy cute attractive female that men will keep an eye on. It is a fact that men care about how a woman look compared to her personality. In some books that I read, 80% of men’s attraction to women is based on their looks and 20% is based on their personalities. In contrast, women 80% care about the personality and 20% about the looks. In general, women like to go shopping to look good and keep on track on the fashion revolution that is occurring. Women are usually accompanied with their men or their girlfriends. In the Qatari Society, women here go to shop alone, leaving men at work or home.

I went to Villagio Mall yesterday to observe the sociological pattern of how people go shopping and with whom. I found a lot of interesting facts that I have not known before. Qatari women in Qatar go shopping alone, or with kids and girlfriends. Qatari men do not interact with the shopping process and buying clothes. It is the mother’s mission to buy clothes for herself or the kids. However, non-Qatari people from different nationalities go shopping with anyone they find available. Asians, other Arabs, White, Black and people from different ethnicities go with their wives. Social class has nothing to do with people who go shopping. It is all about the mentality. Qatari men buy their own clothes without the help of women. They have their own tailor.

In Sociology, this discrimination, if I may call it, varies from a society to another. I just wanted to experiment the concept of gender socialization. I found out the norms here. It is interesting that only non-Qatari men interact with women to buy clothes and different stuff for the house. What was not clear to me is that even it was a Friday night, not a lot of children were there. This is made it a bit harder for me to observe another pattern which is the shopping for kids. Who does it? And with who? Overall, I found what I want, and it was interesting to learn these things about the Qatari society.

Girls in Industrial Area

While one's sex refers to the biological features that determines if they were male or female, gender, on the other hand, refers to "the meanings a the society gives to masculinity and femininity" (Sutherland & Feltey, p.132).

Worldwide, strength, boldness, aggressiveness, ...etc. are seen as masculine traits, while femininity is usually thought of as being emotional, submissive, sensitive, nurturing, ...etc. Despite the major achievements done by women in the Arab world, the society still prefers if they perform within their "feminine" context, as they are mainly seen as nurturing mothers and loving wives only. These gender stereotypes have been negotiated over the years, however, they have not completely vanished.
Nowadays, women can study, work, travel, and do a lot of other "active" things, however, there are still a lot of constrictions that they face everyday.

A few days ago, my friend and I had to go to the industrial area to pick up a phone booth from Qtel/Ooreedoo, a prop that we need for a film that we are making. Industrial area is an area with all the garages, factories, car service companies,... etc., and it's usually a male-dominated area as it is mostly filled with workers and laborers. When we first mentioned that we are going to our friends, they were very surprised that we are two girls going there alone without the company of a guy. Some of our male friends offered to accompany us, but we refused.

It was very interesting to see how our gender was an issue even though our sex was not. We went to the industrial area regardless of all the comments that we got such as: "Better safe than sorry".

We arrived to Qtel on time, and we were ready to pick up the phone booth and load it on to the truck. However, the Qtel representative and the truck driver did not let us, and called some of the workers to do it. We thought that they were being nice so we agreed and left.

However, when we left the industrial area and reached our location, it was only us and the truck driver. He tried to load the phone booth off the truck alone but it was too heavy and it almost broke. Again, we offered to help but he refused, and called a stranger off the street to help him instead.

This incident like many others was just a reminder for my friend and I of how our gender determines the way the society and other people see us.

CMUQ event

The Student Majlis of CMUQ had an event that was on Thursday, the 21^st of March. A DBQ event (Dodgeball and Barbeque event). For people who don’t know what’s dodgeball game like me; dodgeball is a game in which players on two teams try to hit players in the other team and they must avoid being hit themselves. This event happened in the green spine outside CMUQ building. Many students participated in this event, and the teams had different genders.

Masculine tasks

The male students made all the preparations for the event. It needed the carrying out of heavy equipment such as the BBQ fireplace. According to sociology, all societies categorized people based upon sex and gender. This seems ‘natural’, but it is a social construction. The male students did all the arrangement, setting up the cones in lines for the dodgeball game and prepared all the food and things needed for the BBQ.

A non gender-polarization event

Many male students were saying that this game is for boys only, and girls are not capable of playing it. This game needs masculine actions such as the throwing balls to the other side and hit the other team. However, many female students cross the gender-polarization concept. They think they have the ability to do masculine activities. And so, many female students participated in this game. There was a team called ‘women in black’ that had all female participants, and were strongly excited to compete with other teams.

According to sociology, there trends to be a higher degree of conformity to prescribed gender roles. Those who do not obey the ‘rules’ of gender face social punishment. However, in many societies, it is easier for people to accept the idea that females are the one who cross the gender-polarization concept than male. Many societies are not accepting the new image of the male version, the sensitive and soft man. But remasculinization process is always takes over all boys in their earlier lives. They grow up having the traditional masculinity idea; boys love to be featured strong, competent and powerful males.

 

Although cooking is known as females’ responsibility, but the male students toke the charge of the BBQ. The boys enjoy doing the BBQ in the trips or the events, because usually they do not cook in houses, so they feel free to do the cooking when they are with their friends. And maybe the reason the chose BBQ is the that it is the easiest way to cook food.

Gender Differences!

In our last sociology class we learned about how does gender affect people’s behaviors, and does genes or environment influence those behaviors. First let me start by demonstrating the difference between “gender” and “sex.” Sex is the biological characteristic of being a male and female, whereas gender it refers to the social roles that men and women play. So, the society and the environment have a great influence on how does male and female act.

When men or a women act the way they does it is not due to genes, in fact it is mostly due to the expectation of the society. When first a child is born and it’s a boy people will start treating him differently that if it was a baby-girl. Though he is just an infant yet his parents will keep saying, “you’re a man you should be strong.” They will start getting him balls, cars, painting his bedroom walls with blue and many other thing that the society have decided that those this are only for boys. If it was a girl on the other hand, they will start treating her more tenderly and getting her Barbie dolls, and pink stuff. But the question is why does the color blue and the color pink are associated with boys and girls respectively?

It is the Gender Socialization effect!

Gender socialization is the process of learning the social expectations and attitudes associated with one's sex. And because people tend to link blue with boys and pink with girls, it is unexpected for a baby-boy to wear pink cloths. Gender socialization gets people to know their roles according to their genders.

Women at the house are expected to do the housework and the men are breadwinners, thus due to gender socialization people tend to do the job that is expected from them.

Driving cars in Qatar

In Qatar Driving cars is associated with men, most Qatari families do not allow their daughters to drive because it is a men task. They’d rather have a driver than allowing their daughters to drive! However, many Qatari girls are breaking those rules that the societies setup. However, it is unusual to see a man breaking the gender rules. Men do not get involve in activities that are seen “girli activities” by the society! It is their masculinity that is affecting their actions. Masculinity is set of qualities that are considered to be characteristic of a male. This explains that it is easier for a female to gross-gender boundaries than for a male!  

Representation of Gender in Egyptian Cinema

If we look at films as the reflection of society, then one of the main themes that should be looked at in a nation’s cinema is the representation of gender roles. In the book Cinematic Sociology, Jean-Anne Sutherland tries to define power in regards to women’s empowerment. She divides the notion of power into different types of power. The first type is ‘Power-Over’, which is the classic Weber-ian definition of power. Power-over simply divides power between the powered (master) and the non-powered (subject). The master controls the subject, and in the case of Gender, the man controls the woman as masculinity and manhood are equated to power. There’s also ‘Power-To’ which is the case when one has control over the circumstances of their own life. These power-over and power-to notions that we experience in reality is both portrayed and challenged in films. If we look at Egyptian films specifically, we find that the representation of gender roles has not really changed since the 1960s. Starring Fatin Hamama, Al Bab Al Maftuh (1963) is a melodrama based on a novel with the same title written by Latifa El Zayyat.

 

The film tells us the story of Laila, a smart and enthusiastic young woman who struggles with the patriarchal society she lives in where the traditions are imposed on women in order to please men. In the first scene of the film, Laila challenges the headmistress of her school. When the headmistress says that women’s job is motherhood, while war and struggle is for men only, Laila preaches to the students of her school and says that war doesn’t differentiate between men and women and asks the school to ‘open the doors’. After she leads a demonstration against occupation, Laila returns home and gets beaten up by her father who sees what she did as a scandalous act. Laila’s father has power over her. Throughout the film, Laila is forced to act within the gender roles imposed on her as she gets engaged through an arranged marriage. However, at the end, Laila finally decides to leave her fiancé, run away and jump on the train to Port Said with her lover to join the resistance of the people against the Triple Aggression instead of going to Fayoum with her family.

 

Finally we see Laila getting the power to control her life, however, this ending shows that Laila’s freedom was still dependent on her lover, Hussein, who’s a male figure and that she could not achieve it on her own. If we look at a more recent example, Taymour w Shafika (2007), we find a lot of the similar notions, empowering women throughout the film and dis-empowering them at the end. Taymour w Shafika is a typical romantic-comedy starring Ahmed El-Sakka and Mona Zaki.

 

Taymour and Shafika are lovers and best friends who have been neigbors since their childhood. Since the beginning of the film, we see that Taymour has power over Shafika due to his masculinity. His masculinity is enhanced by his buffed up muscles and his job as a security officer.

 

Shafika gains more and more power as she gets her PhD and becomes the Minister of Environment. Shafika’s power is seen as the problem throughout the film, as Taymour is a conservative, traditional man, who makes Shafika choose between him and her career. After choosing her career, Taymour breaks up with Shafika. By the end of the film, Shafika gets kidnapped after she goes on a business trip to Ukraine, but “luckily” Taymour was on her security team and he rescues her. Shafika realizes that her love for Taymour is worth sacrificing her career and they get married, giving up her power-to as she gives Taymour the power over her.

Family Roles in Doha

 During my last Cinema & Society class, we had a conversation on family and family roles, and we had the chance to express our thoughts and opinions. For this blog, I will discuss that matter and go into detail as to how it applies to our culture in Doha and the Arabian Gulf in general.

Traditionally and since we can ever remember, men’s job was to provide financial support for the family, hence their name “breadwinners”. Women, on the other hand, were responsible for taking care of the house, the kids, and ensuring it all went well. This is how women earned the name “homemakers”. All this goes back to our existing views and ideas about gender and who we believe is supposed to do what. 

          
The way all this applies to Doha is that during the last century and for the most part, men and women both assumed their traditional family roles, with men being the “breadwinners” and women being the “homemakers”. However, contrary to popular belief, men and women have mostly been breadwinners and homemakers simply because we decided to arrange things in such a way, not because it is the right and only way to go.

 Nowadays in Doha and in the Gulf, the number of working women has increased. Sometimes, this is the case because the “bread” earned by the father isn’t enough to cover for all the expenses and financial needs of the family. At other times, this is because of another relatively recent phenomenon, which is that nowadays more and more women are taking more interest in completing an undergraduate study after completing high school. By going to work and earning their own money, they feel more powerful and worth more than if they just stayed at home and took care of the kids. Although I am a personal believer in that some things women do at home, such as taking care of their children, are of great importance, the reason they and most of society do not see it this way is because, as David Grazian said in his book Mix It Up, “non-economic activity is devalued in today’s modern capitalist society”. Perhaps another reason that would cause a woman to go to work in this part of the world is if her children have all grown up, and so she basically has nothing to do at home and decides to go work to spend her time doing something useful.   

Before ending this blog, I decided to conclude with a few useful tips for those of you who are already married or do plan to get married someday. First, Grazian mentions a study that observed that women’s stress levels go down when their husbands help them with the housework. Grazian also stated that another study concluded that women who work are happier than those who are homemakers, which might make you re-think letting your wife go to work. That’s all for today.