Gender-neutral children?

Gender is a very controversial issue in today’s world. Many women find themselves more masculine than what’s acceptable in the society, and many men find themselves more feminine that what’s acceptable in the society as well. These rules that society forms creates many stereotypes about the two genders that may limit the chances they have in life. For example, the glass ceiling prevents many women from achieving high management position just because of their gender. Likewise, in some countries, men are forced to serve in the military for two or more years, which takes a lot of the time they can use for studying or working.

Despite these rules that society entails about gender and identity, many people choose to deviate. Some females and males dress and act in the way society thinks how the opposite gender should. So, because these people are breaking social norms, they get sanctioned, formally or informally. If these deviations happen in Saudi Arabia, for example, as a sanction, these deviators will be sent to the authorities. On the other hand, if these deviations happen in Lebanon, the deviators are likely to get sanctioned informally from people around them.

Moreover, a number of parents have been trying to raise gender-neutral children. They refuse to tell the gender of their baby. They dress them in both female and make clothes. Paint their room with gender-neutral colors, as well. One of these parents live in the United Kingdom, and they taught their kid, Sasha, to absorb both genders into his identity. They tried to keep their child’s sex as a secret, but once the kid entered school they had to announce that their kid is a boy.




Many people critique these parents who try to raise a gender-neutral children. They claim that its unfair that parents make these decisions for their children, because it may make them look as freaks in the eyes of their schoolmates and get them bullied at school. When they grow up they can choose to adopt some aspect of the other gender or change their gender if they want, as they say. But even if the parents choose to raise their child according to the gender rules assigned by the society, they are still making the decision without their kid’s approval. The only difference is that the chances are less that they will get bullied at school.




The question still remains whether it’s possible to raise a gender-neutral child in today’s highly gender-polarized world. If the person is gender-neutral, which restroom will he/she use, and which gender should they check in application or official records?

Following the Rules

When someone asks me where I'm from, my response is always the same. I say that I am Sudanese. I never lived in my home country, but I have visited several times. Despite living abroad my whole life, I never really had an identity or culture crisis because I was raised in a Sudanese household by my parents who both taught me everything I need to know about Sudanese culture and tradition. However, simply knowing about a culture was never enough to fit in with the people. I needed to obey the social norms of the society itself or else I would be labeled as a deviant.




The way I act, speak and dress is socially acceptable in Qatar, but all of this changes when I visit Sudan. I have to alter all of these social norms with the conformity of the culture, otherwise it would be regarded as deviance. In sociology, these types of norms that are known as folkways which are the "regular" ways to handle everyday habits. In Qatar my folkways are very different from when I am in Sudan. For example, I'm used to speaking English most of the time with my friends, but as soon as I'm around my family or other Sudanese I switch to my own colloquial Arabic. I also tend to dress differently and modestly by wearing a headscarf to abide with the culture and the people. Seldom would you find a Sudanese woman in Sudan not wearing a scarf. The headscarf is a symbol of religion, but the role of religion is so significant that it has influenced culture which makes it hard to distinguish between the two. What's interesting is that even women that are not Muslim wear the headscarf just so they can fit in because it's something that is expected of you as a woman. Here you can observe how people of a certain group that have a certain mentality, social belief and culture have used social control -methods that influence and indirectly force both "members and non-members, to comply with and not deviate from its norms and expectations." If anyone was found to violate any of these social rules, sanctions would be implemented. These can be formal sanctions that are supported by the law, or informal meaning that they can be given anyone in that society and are not supported by the law. Both these forms of sanctions can be negative or positive. An example of a negative informal sanction is when my grandmother giving me a long lecture about speaking Arabic more often because it's my mother tongue and that I'm becoming more of a western and less of an Arab. Dressing conservatively is required in Sudanese law; therefore if a someone is caught not dressed appropriately they would be dealt with the religious police.




Similarly to Sudan, Qatar is a Muslim and Arab country, but I don't apply these social norms because in the end it is not my culture. For example Qatari women wear the abaya in their home country but not necessarily when they travel. However, if I don't wear accordingly to tradition no one would care simply because I'm not Qatari and therefore these unwritten social rules do not apply to me. That is why when I'm not in Sudan I don't feel the need to follow the rules. This social pressure that I experience is a form of social control that forces me to dress accordingly modestly according to my culture, religion and family. In the end it is hard to agree on what is considered to be deviant behavior because each society establishes its own conformity that differ from each other, so what might be regarded as deviant in one society could be considered normal in another.